


Secret

by monyaka



Series: Femslash February 2020 [3]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, Femslash February 2020, Pining, Self-Sacrifice, Unrequited Love, because there's a trend here with me and tragic fics, this directly involves the end of sayaka's arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22543912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monyaka/pseuds/monyaka
Summary: Day 3 of 29 : SecretKyoko has a secret, a secret involving Sayaka Miki.
Relationships: Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyouko
Series: Femslash February 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619584
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Secret

**Author's Note:**

> i love this ship so much and i wrote this at like 7am and i was in a daze the whole day bc... kyoko.... sayaka...... they deserve better i need to write a cute fic for them later because They....

Kyoko realized a long time ago that she isn’t the protagonist of her story. She wouldn’t want herself to be. It’s a shitty story—the story of a girl who made a wish for someone who would never appreciate it, the story of a girl who just hadn’t understood what it meant to have food on the table, the  _ way _ he wanted food on the table. Her story sounds like a descent into villainy, and if living life for yourself is villainy, she figures it fits. 

She crunches into an apple and leans her hand on old stone, feels the beginnings of its erosion under her palm. Tiny rocks sticking to her hand. 

Sayaka’s the protagonist. And she’s the villain. That’s the way things should be, the way Sayaka wants them. With her cape and sword and talk about honour and valour. She protects everyone. She loves everyone. 

And she loves him.

Which is the first thing that makes Kyoko realize that she’s keeping a secret from even herself. And Kyoko doesn’t like keeping secrets from herself.

So what if Sayaka wasted her wish on some guy she likes? It doesn’t matter to her. People’s wishes should be selfish, because that’s the only way they’ll appreciate it—but she can’t talk about that, because she did it herself. Forever ago.

And is it so wrong to say she sees herself in Sayaka, that she wants to temper that ferocity into genuine self-service? The rest of the world doesn’t deserve Sayaka’s love.  _ He _ doesn’t deserve Sayaka’s love. 

Who does?

“ _ No one. _ ” She pries herself off the stone and brushes her hand of rocks. Scowls at the apple in her hand and takes another bite. 

But that’s not it, is it? It is, because she heard secondhand that the boy Sayaka made her wish for is going out with her best friend. And she heard Madoka murmur that she’s worried about Sayaka. That she saw her laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

But she’s the hero. She has to recover from this. And yet Kyoko’s not so sure that she will anymore. 

She walks into a Familiar’s labyrinth, where she can see Sayaka fighting. Reckless. A whirlwind of activity. Laughing and sobbing and killing herself with mindless distraction. Isn’t it the same? Kyoko throws herself into her work too. But not like this. Not so far.

She takes two bites of her apple this time, then three and four and five until the juice drips down her chin and she’s left with an ache in her stomach. 

_ That’s _ what this is like.

And she understands this better than Madoka ever will. The desperate call of a sack of meat, begging for someone to love it. What she doesn’t understand is why Sayaka doesn’t think she’s worth that love. 

All this time, Kyoko thought she was fighting for herself. A part of her knows it’s different now. And as she rests her stare on Sayaka’s tear-stained face, she realizes why.

The secret is she would die for Sayaka to be happy, and she would die for her not to be alone, too. 

The imaginary Sayaka dissolves along with the landscape. Kyoko takes a step forward despite herself, wide-eyed, but she doesn’t cry. 

She can’t. It’s not her tears to cry. It’s Sayaka’s. They’ve always been Sayaka’s. Kyoko belongs to her, heart and Soul Gem. She wants to say she would never hand it over for Sayaka to crush in an iron grip—and that may have been true before, but it’s not true now.

It doesn’t matter if Sayaka never loves her back. Kyoko just wants to see her smile, just wants to know that she won’t have to be alone. 

A few days later, her Soul Gem shatters, rocketing herself and a witch to eternal slumber, where they can hold hands forevermore.


End file.
